A: I had the right set of parents with different approaches to raising their child with special needs. Mom taught me compassion, empathy, and always trying to help others feel their best, reinforcing a positive self-image. Dad taught me to be confident and motivated to reach goals, strict but not demanding. My sister Suzanne, a school counselor, inspires me with her family and encouragement.

Dad used a unique approach to boost my self-confidence. When I reached a goal or milestone, he offered his compliments, “Great job, Paul! Now go on to your next goal!” His congratulations were followed by subtle encouragement, as if he wanted me to be unsatisfied with reaching that goal and harness the inner strength to “raise the bar,” achieving beyond what he thought I could do.

While Dad rarely shares with me how proud he is, I often hear remarks from family and friends that he freely shared his pride with them!

My parents practiced patience rather than choosing to unfairly compare my achievements with those of my peers. For example, hearing an unexpected noise would cause my muscles to instinctively tighten, a reflex that caused my body to jump. Dad suggested waiting an extra year to earn my driver’s permit so that I could have improved control of these reflexes. Though I was proud to earn a driver’s license at age 18, it would be three more years before Mom and Dad were confident in my driving skills that they allowed me, for the first time, to drive 15 miles to the Jersey Shore alone.

Their patience eventually became infused in my personality.

Q: You have shared your experience of being bullied and choosing to forgive. What helped you make that decision and how has it shaped your approach to life?                                                                                                                                         

A: When I learned to forgive a bully who hurt me in the past, a sense of emotional freedom emerged. Why would someone else take my power, make me angry or overcome with uncertainty, at a moment when I should feel empowered?

Forgiveness is itself a sign of strength, never a weakness. It is also an act of love that can replace feelings of hostility, greed, or jealousy.  We also need to forgive the younger version of ourselves for having anger and rage that once poisoned our soul, with the expectation that the other person would be hurt. This can sadly destroy our optimism and, with it, our dreams.

I encourage everyone, including kids and teens, to let go of the anger and forgive those bullies who hurt you, perhaps with a degrading social media post or negative words. You’ll feel much better because love is replacing anger and denial. I did exactly the same, which is why the former bullies are now my friends. They learned empathy. We learn to feel confident and loved too.

Withholding love from others (and sadly from ourselves) represents the pain and anger we carry. Love everyone; even those whom you feel do not even deserve our respect. Just love those kinds of people “from a distance.”